I don’t want to burden anyone with the weight of love anymore.
Caring for a minimum of 18 people a day does not allow much left to give.
How could I be anything but too much and not enough simultaneously?
How would I be anything more than Saturnine the days I should have slept more?
I’d love to be a second sun instead, leaving beams for reflection instead of all this lead swirled with flammable gases.
But it’s winter in my marrow sometimes, instead of some light to fade the rain.
And all of my words trying to sustain life before the rings of my discontent cost me all of it, forever.
Maybe I just need someone to hibernate with during the right seasons.
He said was married for a long time,
Searching my eyes for a flickering flight.
Another time and his eyes would have melted every inch of my smile.
Any other time his body would have been a welcome visitor of beds between stop lights and stories of nights passed by.
But all that’s left of me,
Is just a fight to survive.
A long roadside explosion
Leaving next to nothing behind.
There are hours,
With a skip left to climb.
It’s looming so heavy,
Like my frame once had,
Like the 70 hour work weeks of the last 2 months have.
But it’s the year of the earth dog and I’m going to learn to swim in the serendipity again.
With the animals that know death is a figment because consciousness is bigger than that, the people that figure it out, and the scientists closer to proving it today ❤️
Valentine’s for me isn’t about romantic love. I met my friend turned sister at a tragic comedy play after break ups at 15. It’s our 20th this year. What unique perspective it gives the Saint consumers holiday to say the least. This is life’s humor, life’s end game, the personal perspectives hidden behind more than what people think.
Even not here,
I wish you a thankful 20th on this rock of sorrow filled, comedic perpetuity. Our laughter, healing salve for hopefully another 70.
May it be whatever you need it to be, even celebrating this one with me ❤️
Visions of a comfortable hut with smoke billowed like clouds.
Of a boy in red trying to facet a new kind of door that takes a certain type of dedication,
A intimate intricacy to open.
Favorite gleams of memories,
Puzzle games of stone,
Quietude laced with dying fireflies,
Dreams interlocking with scenes imbibed among sweet treat treasures.
Then the gaze I cannot turn around while I watch with lullaby heart beats that he sings along with but doesn’t feel like he once could.
A Nightsky, all about Formica swirls paying the dues while all I do is remain loyal and lost in the evening dew strewing around the world like this is the place I’d rather have lived with before a botched suicide or two.
Timberlands Tim and his star stride: David Schermann
Creed of the forest fires and the people that set them:
The pieces of Amor Fati sprawl as Nietzsche pours another coffee for change or chaos or choice because schools of thought splattered like rain as the strings tug away the day.
tired and dirty ❤️
Was hoping I would want to write more when I arrived but it seems as though I’m still just caught in the ocean of some strange tide.
However, happy I did not surprise anyone because really that was a ghost from a former life I should not have ever wasted a thought on. I think I’ve always known I had no loyalty to seek there. Being so busy now, it’s just exhausting expelling my energy on mummified peach seeds that once brought comfort. Plus, I’ve learned a lot about love since then. I want the kind, that just fits. If it’ll have me eventually that is.
Suppose that’s growth or me seeking more fun in my life? Who knows?
I’m gunning for more unsolicited adventures in my life, what a riot just little pit stops were even
Then life had me take job training about abuse,
Here is what I learned he had 4/5 that made him likely to become an abuser. The fifth, living with me.
Every form of abuse sans physical and exploitation was occurring.
I’m really currently exercising dead demons as I am rebuilding my happiness.
It’s almost halloween of course I’m going out to work on it some more.
I had to make it bigger with games this year.
So you know I had to start super early ❤ I can’t wait already.
Costumes bought, only one to re dye.
Scarry porch hidden,
The lights for three areas start this weekend with the porch.
And if there’s time,
The super scary sectioning for our jump scare.
Singing ooooh deee dee baby. Watch out for a drought in dust bowl country especially.
I believe my favorite is the game you think you have,
Because you mistakenly think all women
Play the victim.
I also laughed when you accurately said you were intrigued.
I could tell,
Like don’t you know what the word means.
1.to plot craftily or underhandedly.
2.to achieve or earn by appealing to another’s curiosity, fancy,
4.to accomplish or force by crafty plotting or underhand machinations.
6.Obsolete. to trick or cheat.
7.to carry on a secret or illicit love affair.
This is real life, not a mystery novel, delusional stooge.
Didn’t I say you were a sheep in wolf’s clothing in May.
Before this wolf beat you at your own game.
Next time, pick less intelligent women.
I’d like to say it was fun for a moment being deceitful. But it wasn’t. I tend to function on love unless you attack.
There I was in a horrible state losing so much of my family.
Forgive me but where I’m from,
Not much more than 150 years ago,
a few three generations ago,
You would have been hanged for trying to use a mourning woman’s money.
OAlways standing in the door,
With an itchy finger baby,
Pointed right at me.
I sure hope darling
You have it ready,
When karma calls you out
Into the street,
To answer for all those travesties you create.
My sails are straight,
And have been this entire time.
Maybe I should have put a label on myself for you:Healed and not taking the dysfunctional lives anymore so beware my strong truths.
Lessons I’m still learning. But at least I’m closer. This gentelman has been on the same path and shares a lot I have learned over the past few years.
I have a type,for my entire life- sigh. I’ve learned however to actually stop hanging on and inhibiting another’s personal growth. Their path is not mine. The want for someone like me is to heal the most broken souls. I believe now more than ever,I should work on my own first