Out of nowhere the songs of the lost band that I was always seeking appeared in my playlist somehow. I began to sort to the memories as I listened to that favorite album lost so many years ago. I began to feel a fire I had missed for so long I no longer realized it was gone. I wanted to attain some of the hope that had dissipated into the adulthood I had unknowingly grown accustomed to. I missed how much I thought I would always end up exactly where I was supposed to be and that it would be exhilarating. Sadly, most days were now filled full of burdened responsibilities linked directly to the same programing that gave me this joy. Ironically, I would have never expected to be this jaded about my past choices. It wasn’t regret as much as it was me attempting to avoid my own stupidity. I didn’t want to think about all of the things I had missed that I should have noticed. I want to awaken this giant quelled feeling that youth had once dictated. I wanted to be optimistic like I had been when the world was my oyster. I didn’t want to re do any of the past but perhaps instead prevent the light I had then from burning out. I wanted to take back the times I handed over my own strengths to other people and allowed them to douse the flames for me. I missed myself and I hadn’t notice I was so far from home that it would take an overnight jet to get it back. The melodic and metaphoric time machine I had lost meant more than I could possibly understand until the riffs rang in my head and the memories were now no longer paused. I still have time to be the person I wanted to be then. I just need to remember to clean the window and face the sun while I weed out those that carry the water filled pails. I had to use the water instead to revive this withered body and mind of mine stuck somewhere between here and there.